28+ Other Ways to Say Taking a Poop (100+ Examples)

A lot of people feel shy about talking about bodily habits, but nature calls us all. You might want a funny way to say it, or maybe you need something soft for polite company. Language is a tool, so use the right words for your crowd. This list has many options, from silly jokes to calm, normal phrases. You will find the perfect way to share your business, without feeling awkward or out of place, ever again.

Casual Ways to Say Taking a Poop

Using the Restroom

This phrase is a classic, polite, and very safe way to tell others your plans. You can use it at work, with your boss, or even when you are out on a date. It sounds clean, nice, and respectful to everyone around you. Most folks will know exactly what you mean, but it keeps things tidy, and it avoids any gross or weird feelings, which is always a good thing.

• You should try using the restroom before the long drive home.
• I am just using the restroom, so please start the movie without me.
• He went inside the house, using the restroom for a quick minute.
• She is using the restroom, but she will be back in a second.

Going to the Bathroom

This is the most common way to talk about this, and it works in almost any spot. It is very simple, very clear, and it does not sound like a joke at all. You can say this to a friend, a coworker, or even a stranger, and nobody will look at you twice. It is a very neutral phrase, perfect for daily life, when you just need to be clear.

• We are stopping at the store, for me to go to the bathroom.
• You can go to the bathroom, just down the hall on the left.
• He had to go to the bathroom, so he left the table early.
• She went to go to the bathroom, before the show started at noon.

Taking a Break

Sometimes you do not want to say why you are leaving, and this phrase covers that perfectly. It is vague, it is polite, and it keeps your private life private. You can use this at the office, when you just need a moment away from your desk. It sounds professional, and it is a very clever way to hide the truth, while still being honest about needing a break.

• I am taking a break, and I will be back in five minutes.
• You should try taking a break, when the work gets too hard today.
• He walked away, taking a break from the meeting for a moment.
• She is taking a break, and she will join us in the lobby.

Checking the Mail

This is a funny, secret way to talk about it, especially if you want to keep things light. It sounds like you have a job to do, but your friends will know what you really mean. This works best with close buddies, people who enjoy a little joke, and who do not mind talking about funny things. It is playful, it is silly, and it keeps the mood light.

• I am just checking the mail, so hang on a moment for me.
• You look like you are checking the mail, are you okay in there?
• He left the room, checking the mail for a long, long time.
• She is checking the mail, so do not go in there just yet.

Dropping the Kids Off at the Pool

This is a classic, silly joke that almost everyone has heard before. It paints a funny picture, and it is meant to make your friends laugh out loud. You should only use this with people you know very well, as it is quite bold. It is not for a formal dinner, or a meeting at work, but it is great for a casual night with your best friends.

• I have to go, dropping the kids off at the pool right now.
• You are always dropping the kids off at the pool, at the worst time.
• He was in the hall, dropping the kids off at the pool for ages.
• She laughed, dropping the kids off at the pool before the big game.

Making a Deposit

When you want to sound a little fancy, but also a bit funny, this is a great choice. It sounds like you are at a bank, but the reality is much less serious. It is a light way to say you have business to finish. Your friends will get the joke, they will probably chuckle, and it adds some fun to a very boring, daily, and normal task.

• I am just making a deposit, so I will see you in a bit.
• You are making a deposit, at the house for the third time today.
• He went to the room, making a deposit for the second time today.
• She said she was making a deposit, and then she ran out fast.

Sitting on the Throne

This makes your time in the room feel very royal, and it is a fun way to talk about it. It is a bit dramatic, but that is why it is so funny. Use this when you are at home, or with people who share your sense of humor. It is not for a serious setting, but it is perfect for a quick, silly text to your best friend.

• I am sitting on the throne, so please just leave a note outside.
• You are always sitting on the throne, when I need the sink space.
• He likes sitting on the throne, and reading his books for hours now.
• She was sitting on the throne, so we had to wait for her.

Doing Some Paperwork

This is a very clever, boring way to hide what you are actually doing. If you want to seem like you are busy, or if you want to keep things very quiet, this is the phrase for you. It sounds so dull, and so professional, that nobody will ever ask you for more details. It is a great way to stay private, and it keeps your secrets safe.

• I need some time, doing some paperwork in the back room today.
• You are doing some paperwork, for a very long time in there now.
• He said he was doing some paperwork, but we all know the truth.
• She stayed busy, doing some paperwork until the house was quiet again.

Handling Business

This is a short, direct way to say you have things to do. It sounds like you are a busy person, with important tasks to finish. It is not too gross, it is not too silly, and it works in many spots. You can say this to a friend, and they will know you need a moment of peace. It is a very solid, reliable, and easy phrase to use.

• I am handling business, so I will catch up with you later.
• You are always handling business, when it is time to leave the house.
• He is busy handling business, so do not bother him for a while.
• She was handling business, but she finished up in just a second.

Going to the Office

This sounds like you are going to work, but your friends know the real spot. It is a funny, dry way to describe your morning routine. Use it when you are in a good mood, and want to share a laugh. It works well over text, or in a casual group chat, when you are talking about your day, and your habits, with your closest circle.

• I am just going to the office, so do not start the car yet.
• You are going to the office, and you are taking your phone too?
• He likes going to the office, while he listens to his favorite songs.
• She is going to the office, but she will be back in five minutes.

Playful Ways to Say Taking a Poop

Visiting the Porcelain God

This is a very dramatic, and very silly way to describe the experience. It sounds like you are going on a grand trip, or a holy visit. It is best for when you want to make your friends laugh, or when you are being extra goofy. It is definitely not for work, or for meeting new people, but it is perfect for a night with close, funny friends.

• I am visiting the porcelain god, so give me a few minutes here.
• You are always visiting the porcelain god, when we are in a hurry.
• He was visiting the porcelain god, and he was laughing the whole time.
• She is visiting the porcelain god, but she will be out soon, promise.

Taking a Squat

This is very blunt, and it sounds a bit wild, like you are out in the woods. It is a funny way to talk about it, but it sounds a little bit rough too. Use this with people who like to be loud, and who enjoy a bit of shock value. It is not for polite tea, but it is great for a hike, or a trip, or a long, funny day.

• I am taking a squat, so just look away for a moment, okay?
• You are taking a squat, right here in the middle of the woods?
• He went behind the tree, taking a squat for a quick minute there.
• She is taking a squat, and she will be back to the group soon.

Releasing the Kraken

This is a funny pop culture reference, and it is great for dramatic effect. It makes the whole act seem like a big, loud event, which is just hilarious. Use this when you are with friends who like movies, and who appreciate a good, big joke. It is not subtle at all, but that is exactly why it is so funny to say aloud.

• I am releasing the Kraken, so stay far away from the room now.
• You are releasing the Kraken, and it sounds like a real storm today.
• He is releasing the Kraken, so we should wait outside for a bit.
• She warned us, releasing the Kraken, before she locked the door tight.

Making Room for Lunch

This is a very practical, and very funny way to look at the process. You are just clearing space for the next big meal. It is a nice way to joke about eating, and about the body, without being too gross. It fits well at a dinner party, or right before you sit down to eat with your best, and most funny, good friends.

• I am making room for lunch, so I will be ready to eat soon.
• You are making room for lunch, and you better be hungry for it.
• He was making room for lunch, so he skipped the morning snack today.
• She is making room for lunch, because she wants that big burger later.

Unloading Some Cargo

This sounds like you are a big ship, or a truck, coming into the port. It is a very funny, and very clear, way to talk about what you are doing. Use this when you want to keep things light, and have a good, hearty laugh with your buddies. It is simple, it is punchy, and it always gets a good, funny, and warm reaction.

• I am unloading some cargo, so give me a little bit of time.
• You are unloading some cargo, at the most inconvenient time for us now.
• He was unloading some cargo, and he looked so happy when he finished.
• She is unloading some cargo, and she will be out of the room shortly.

Paying the Toll

This makes your trip to the room sound like you are crossing a bridge, or a road. It is a very creative way to describe a simple, daily, and necessary act. Use this when you want to sound clever, and keep your friends smiling. It is not too serious, it is not too weird, and it is a fun way to keep the mood very happy.

• I am paying the toll, so just wait for me in the car here.
• You are paying the toll, but you are taking too long to pay it.
• He was paying the toll, and he missed the start of the big game.
• She is paying the toll, so she will meet us at the gate soon.

Sending a Fax to the Main Office

This is a fun, old-school way to talk about the task. It sounds like you have a busy, corporate life, even when you are just doing this. It is a silly, dry, and very funny joke for people who like to act like they have big, important jobs. It is great for a casual chat, especially with coworkers who have the same sense of humor.

• I am sending a fax to the main office, so give me ten minutes.
• You are sending a fax to the main office, and you are taking forever.
• He said he was sending a fax to the main office, which was funny.
• She is sending a fax to the main office, so leave her alone today.

Installing a New Pipe

This is a bit weird, and a bit gross, but it is very funny if you like that sort of humor. It sounds like you are doing construction work in the room. Use this only with the friends who really know you, and who won’t mind the strange, funny, and slightly silly image you are trying to paint for them all today.

• I am installing a new pipe, so do not open the door, okay?
• You are installing a new pipe, and it is making a lot of noise.
• He was installing a new pipe, while he whistled a happy, little tune.
• She is installing a new pipe, so we can go out without her now.

Sarcastic Ways to Say Taking a Poop

Having a Meeting with Myself

This is a very dry, and very sarcastic way to tell people you need some peace. It sounds like you are busy, but you are really just hiding away. It is perfect for when you are tired, and you want people to leave you alone, without asking questions. It sounds serious, but the sarcasm is clear, if someone is smart enough to hear it.

• I am having a meeting with myself, so do not knock, please.
• You are having a meeting with myself, again for the third time today.
• He said he was having a meeting with myself, and we all laughed.
• She is having a meeting with myself, so we will wait in here.

Doing Some Deep Thinking

When you want to act like you are a genius, use this silly, sarcastic line. It suggests that your time in the room is for your big, important, and deep thoughts. It is a great way to poke fun at yourself, and the act itself, while keeping your friends entertained. It is a very funny, and very smart, way to talk about it.

• I am doing some deep thinking, so leave me to my big ideas.
• You are doing some deep thinking, but it seems like a real struggle.
• He was doing some deep thinking, for forty minutes in the room alone.
• She is doing some deep thinking, and she needs the quiet to finish.

Taking a Long Vacation

This is sarcastic because you are obviously not on a beach, or at a resort. It is a funny way to say you are taking your sweet, long time in there. It is great for when you are with friends who know you are just being lazy, and they will definitely enjoy the joke and the sarcastic, funny, little tone.

• I am taking a long vacation, so call me in an hour or so.
• You are taking a long vacation, in the smallest room of the house.
• He was taking a long vacation, and we missed the whole first act.
• She is taking a long vacation, so grab a seat and wait here.

Busy Saving the World

This is an over-the-top, sarcastic way to make your task sound like a heroic, and big, mission. It is clearly a joke, and it works well to make people smile. Use it when you are in a good, silly mood, and you want to keep the talk very light, very fun, and very, very, very full of sarcasm today.

• I am busy saving the world, so please just wait for me here.
• You are busy saving the world, one flush at a time, I hope.
• He is busy saving the world, and he has been in there forever.
• She said she was busy saving the world, so we kept the dinner.

Starting a New Chapter

This sounds like you are writing a book, but you are really just doing something else. It is a very clever, and very sarcastic, way to frame your time in the bathroom. It makes the whole thing seem like a big, new start, which is just a funny way to think about a boring, daily, and very normal task.

• I am starting a new chapter, so give me a little more time.
• You are starting a new chapter, and it sounds like a long read.
• He was starting a new chapter, and he came out looking very fresh.
• She is starting a new chapter, so let her have her quiet space.

Cleaning My Pipes

This is a bit rude, and definitely sarcastic, because it sounds like you are a plumber. It is a funny way to talk about your body, and it gets a reaction every single time. Use this with people who have a dark, or a strange, sense of humor, as it might be too much for some other folks.

• I am cleaning my pipes, so please do not come near this door.
• You are cleaning my pipes, and you are being very loud about it.
• He was cleaning my pipes, and he seemed to enjoy the work today.
• She is cleaning my pipes, so let us go wait in the kitchen.

Getting Rid of the Excess

This sounds like a very clinical, and very formal, way to talk about something gross. That is why it is so funny and sarcastic. It is a great way to make a joke out of a normal bodily function. Use this with your friends, who will surely get the sarcasm, and appreciate the weird, funny, and dry humor.

• I am getting rid of the excess, so do not wait up for me.
• You are getting rid of the excess, and you are taking all day.
• He was getting rid of the excess, and he felt so much better.
• She is getting rid of the excess, and she will be back soon.

Practicing for a Role

This is a funny, sarcastic way to say you are in the room. It sounds like you are an actor, but you are just sitting there. It is a great, lighthearted joke for when you want to keep the talk casual, and keep everyone laughing at the silly, absurd, and very weird way you phrase things.

• I am practicing for a role, so do not disturb my big scene.
• You are practicing for a role, and it sounds like a drama today.
• He was practicing for a role, but he was really just being lazy.
• She is practicing for a role, so let her have the time now.

Sorting Out My Problems

This is a sarcastic way to say that your problems are really just, well, you know. It is a very funny, and very dry, way to talk about it. It works well in a group of friends who like to joke about life, and who will think it is quite smart, and quite silly, all at the same time.

• I am sorting out my problems, so just give me a short minute.
• You are sorting out my problems, and you have a lot of them.
• He was sorting out my problems, and he came out with a smile.
• She is sorting out my problems, so leave her alone in there.

Punny Ways to Say Taking a Poop

Making a Brown Trout

This is a classic, silly pun that is sure to get a laugh, or a groan. It is a gross, funny, and very clear way to talk about the task. Use this with friends who love puns, and who don’t mind a little bit of crude, and goofy, humor. It is not for anyone polite, but it is always good for a chuckle.

• I am making a brown trout, so do not look in the bowl.
• You are making a brown trout, and it is a very big one.
• He was making a brown trout, and he was laughing at himself.
• She is making a brown trout, so stay away from the room now.

Visiting the Local Brown Station

This is a funny, silly, and punny way to talk about going to the bathroom. It makes it sound like a travel spot, which is just absurd. Use this with your buddies who enjoy a good pun, and who want to keep things very light, very funny, and very, very, very silly all day long.

• I am visiting the local brown station, so catch you later on.
• You are visiting the local brown station, for the third time today.
• He went to the local brown station, and he took his book too.
• She is visiting the local brown station, so wait for her outside.

Dropping Off a Hot One

This pun is funny, because it is so simple, and so direct. It is a very silly way to describe the act, and it always gets a quick, surprised laugh from your friends. Use this when you want to be funny, and when you want to keep the mood very relaxed, very casual, and very, very, very silly indeed.

• I am dropping off a hot one, so stay away from the door.
• You are dropping off a hot one, and it is making me laugh.
• He was dropping off a hot one, while he hummed a little tune.
• She is dropping off a hot one, so let us go get some lunch.

Taking a Load Off

This is a pun because you are literally taking a load off, which makes it very funny. It is a nice, casual, and easy way to talk about the act. It is not too gross, it is not too weird, and it is a very clever way to use a common phrase for a funny, secret, and quite silly reason.

• I am just taking a load off, so I will join you soon.
• You are taking a load off, for a very long time in there.
• He likes taking a load off, after he eats a big, heavy meal.
• She is taking a load off, so let us wait in the hall.

Visiting the Stool Sample Lab

This is a funny, scientific-sounding pun that makes your time in the room feel like a science project. It is a great joke for when you want to sound smart, but also very silly. Use this with friends who like to joke around, and who will appreciate the clever, punny, and very, very dry humor you have.

• I am visiting the stool sample lab, so see you in a bit.
• You are visiting the stool sample lab, for your daily check up?
• He was visiting the stool sample lab, and he looked very serious.
• She is visiting the stool sample lab, so give her some space.

Making a Deposit in the Porcelain Bank

This is a longer, more detailed, and very funny pun. It sounds like you are being very responsible, but you are just doing a normal, daily, and very human thing. Use this when you want to make your friends laugh, and keep the talk very light, very fun, and very, very, very full of silly, punny, good vibes.

• I am making a deposit in the porcelain bank, so stay out.
• You are making a deposit in the porcelain bank, and you are late.
• He was making a deposit in the porcelain bank, for a long time.
• She is making a deposit in the porcelain bank, so let her be.

Having a Bowel Movement

This is a very formal, and very medical, way to say it, which makes it sound very funny. It is a pun on how serious you sound about such a silly thing. Use this when you want to be funny, and when you want to sound a bit like a doctor, while just doing your own business in there.

• I am having a bowel movement, so wait for me in the lobby.
• You are having a bowel movement, and you are taking too long.
• He was having a bowel movement, and he came out looking happy.
• She is having a bowel movement, so do not go in there now.

Making a Contribution

This sounds like you are donating money, which is a very funny, and very punny, way to look at it. It is a great, lighthearted, and clever way to frame the whole experience. Use this with your friends who like to joke about everything, and who will think this is a very funny, and very smart, way to talk.

• I am making a contribution, so please wait for me by the door.
• You are making a contribution, and it is a very big one today.
• He was making a contribution, and he felt light as a feather.
• She is making a contribution, so let us go to the next stop.

Releasing the Inner Beast

This is a funny, punny, and slightly dramatic way to talk about the task. It makes it sound like you are a wild, and very powerful, animal. Use this when you want to be silly, and keep the mood very high, very loud, and very, very, very full of funny, punny, good, and wild energy.

• I am releasing the inner beast, so do not go in there now.
• You are releasing the inner beast, and it sounds like a real mess.
• He was releasing the inner beast, while he shouted for the joy.
• She is releasing the inner beast, so we should wait in the car.

Direct Ways to Say Taking a Poop

Going to the Bathroom

This is the most standard, and the most clear, way to tell people you need to go. It is not funny, it is not sarcastic, and it is not punny. It is just the truth. Use this when you need to be understood quickly, clearly, and without any confusion, or any weird, or silly, or strange, extra, unnecessary, and long, long, talk.

• I am going to the bathroom, so please wait for me here.
• You are going to the bathroom, and you will be back soon?
• He is going to the bathroom, for a very short, quick minute now.
• She is going to the bathroom, so we will start without her.

Using the Restroom

This is a very polite, and very professional, way to talk about it. It is perfect for work, for formal events, or for times when you want to show respect to the people around you. It is simple, it is direct, and it is a very safe, and very good, choice for almost any situation you find yourself in.

• I am using the restroom, so please hold the elevator for me.
• You are using the restroom, but you should be back in time.
• He was using the restroom, so we had to wait for him.
• She is using the restroom, so let us find our seats now.

Having a Movement

This is a very direct, and very clear, way to talk about it. It is not a joke, and it is not trying to hide anything. Use this when you want to be honest, and when you want to be very clear about what you are doing, without any, any, any silly, or weird, or strange, funny, little, hidden, and vague, and confusing, and silly, extra words.

• I am having a movement, so give me a few minutes, please.
• You are having a movement, so take your time in there now.
• He was having a movement, so we should wait in the hall.
• She is having a movement, so we can go to the store now.

Cleaning Out

This is a direct, and very simple, way to say you are doing the job. It is not trying to be fancy, and it is not trying to be a joke. It is just a very plain, and very honest, way to tell someone what you are doing right now, in the room, by yourself, and without any, any, any trouble at all.

• I am cleaning out, so please just wait for me a bit.
• You are cleaning out, so do not worry about the time here.
• He was cleaning out, and he felt ready for the big trip.
• She is cleaning out, so let her finish up her work today.

Doing My Business

This is a very common, and very direct, way to say you need to be left alone. It is a polite way to set a boundary, and to keep your privacy. Use this when you want to be clear, and you want to be left alone, without any, any, any questions, or any, any, any weird, or any, any, any silly, and strange, extra, unnecessary talk.

• I am doing my business, so please leave me alone for now.
• You are doing my business, and you are taking too long today.
• He was doing my business, and he came out looking very calm.
• She is doing my business, so we will wait for her here.

Taking a Dump

This is a very blunt, and very direct, way to say it. It is not polite, and it is not professional, so only use it with your closest friends. It is a very raw, and very real, way to talk about it, and it does not try to hide the reality of what you are doing in there, at all.

• I am taking a dump, so don’t you dare come in here.
• You are taking a dump, and you are being very loud today.
• He was taking a dump, and he did not care who heard.
• She is taking a dump, so let us go to the kitchen.

Summary of Alternate Ways

Final Thoughts

I hope you found the perfect way to talk about this natural part of life. Whether you need something polite for a formal dinner, or a silly joke for your best friends, you now have many choices. Just remember to pick the right words for the right person, and you will be fine. Happy chatting.

Do you need a way to talk about bathroom habits? These many options cover every tone from funny and silly to simple, polite, and very clear.